Have you ever tried to un-ring a bell? You can’t do it. Once the bell is rung, the sound rapidly radiates through what was silent space. You can’t call it back. It’s done. You just have to wait until the sound is no more.
Thoughtless words, thoughtless actions, thoughtless behavior is like ringing a bell. Once it’s out there you can’t take it back. Sure, you can say – I’m sorry or please forgive me – pabulum like that, but you can no more take it back then you can un-ring a bell. And if you think you can admonish the people who were offended by your remark or behavior with something like – “get over it; you need to be tougher than that; it’s just the way I am” you have just added insult to injury and made yourself look the fool. The way you are? Really. It’s the way you choose to be, and no one has to feed into your self imposed excuse for bad behavior. Recent examples can be seen in the behavior of the past Governor of New York (Elliot Spitzer) and the Governor of South Carolina (Mark Sanford).
In business meetings and sales meetings, spouting out in frustration is an example. No one really cares that you are frustrated or intolerant about something or someone, but they sure do care about what you said about them and how you treated them. And if you happen to be the boss, well you just became a statistic – the number one reason employees leave their job is because of their boss. If you happen to be a salesperson, well you just lost the sale. It’s that simple.
Business success is built on real-relationships and real-relationships take time to build and solidify. One misstep, one bell rung can derail a seemingly solid relationship. As the relationship goes, so does the business. Months of developing a relationship can be destroyed literally in a moment.
Here are some thoughts to consider:
- Understand that comments made in frustration or in anger have far reaching consequences
- Few care if you are upset or frustrated – they care how they feel and how you contributed to their feelings
- Think before you talk – it’s not a bad idea to count to 10-at least 5
- Work on building your social-emotional IQ
- Ask a trusted colleague how you come across – there may be evidence of subtle behavior that if recognized could prevent an outburst
- Ask yourself, does it really matter? You don’t have to win every argument. Business is not war. Recognize that it just may be possible that someone with a different opinion may be right.
Copyright 2009 Kubica and LaForest
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