Self-sabotage is a tragic behavior to us personally and to our organization. We believe and our findings substantiate that many people do not realize how they are harming themselves, their careers and their organizations. The self-sabotaging behaviors they exhibit often are not done intentionally, they are done subconsciously. What we often hear is: “this is the way I’ve always been”; “it’s just me”; “it’s who I am”. How tragic to relinquish control over your life, career, and yes happiness, because you refuse to see your behavior in any other way. This type of auto piloting your behavior and responses may certainly be quicker and easier, but not necessarily the best option to promote your success.
We wondered why people behave the way they behave when it has such destructive consequences. We talked with people from different walks of life and at different stages of their career, and here is what we found. People fail to take action for three reasons:
1. they aren’t aware that they are self-sabotaging themselves or their organization;
2. they are aware, but they don’t care;
3. they are aware, they do care, but they are afraid to act because of:
o fear of change or the discipline to make it happen
o fear of standing out
o fear of making waves
o fear of being criticized
o in short – FEAR but no one wants to admit that vulnerability either
No one can change a behavior they are not aware exists. So if you are concerned about your behavior and whether you exhibit self-sabotaging traits – ask. Ask people close to you, who care about you, but you must make it safe for them to respond. Asking for feedback and then “losing it”, and defending against it when they give you the feedback tells you two things: you have serious self-sabotaging traits (or else you would not have lost it) and you have guaranteed no further useful feedback – other than, of course, “you are great, there is nothing I can think of that you should be concerned about.” You can now happily meander down the road of mediocrity wallowing in self-deception along with self-sabotage.
If you are aware, then to improve, you must care. Lack of caring can be described as arrogance, hubris, insensitivity, dismissive – all self-sabotaging behaviors. Lack of caring obviates the opportunity for improvement, and tells us that the consequences are acceptable to you. Something to think about if growth, advancement and future success are important to you.
The final issue is Fear. You can be aware, you can care about improving, but you fear the consequences of acting. This is a clear manifestation of how self-sabotaging behavior is holding you back. Think about it. You know you or the organization is showing self-sabotaging behaviors, you care, but you are afraid to act. This is truly a sad and very limiting behavior because you have turned over your success, your career and your life to others.
What should you do?:
1. Improve awareness
a. Ask for feedback on your behavior
b. Make it safe to provide you feedback
c. Indicate a willingness to do something about it
d. After taking action, ask for further feedback
2. Care about your behavior
a. Understand and appreciate that eliminating self-sabotaging behaviors will improve your career advancement and career growth opportunities
3. Act – do something about it to avoid, replace, mitigate or eliminate the behavior(s)
If improvement, growth and advancement are important to you – action speaks.
Copyright 2009 Kubica and LaForest
If you enjoyed this piece, please consider sharing it!
