As Emerson wrote: What you do speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you say. All behavior is seen and interpreted through the eyes of another. All behavior has consequences: some positive; some negative.
We often forget, in our self-centered interpretation of our actions, that others will understand. We hear things like: it’s not what you think; it’s not what it looks like; you misunderstand. Well, it’s exactly what I think, it’s exactly what it looks like, and no I really don’t misunderstand – nor do I care to understand. I see what I see. Unfair? Likely. True? Absolutely.
This is especially relevant for leaders. We counsel people who are newly promoted to a management position that the employees will “see” them differently now. If the new leader walks into the office and is not smiling – something is wrong. If they do not acknowledge a person as they past them on their way to their office – the person thinks they are at risk to be fired. If they acknowledge the idea of one person at a meeting and seemingly ignore another – then the leader does not like or respect me and I probably should look for another job. Perception is reality and the price you pay by ignoring it is high.
Misinterpretation of your behavior is especially important in social situations and on the social networks. Some leaders are naturally outgoing and may have a tendency to act inappropriately (as seen by others) in a social situation: letting your guard down or “just having fun” can extract a heavy professional toll. Relationships, which are so important in business, can be forged or destroyed in a social situation. Remember, there are no casual moments.
The social networks also present great opportunity and great risk as we noted in our blog two weeks ago.
So, how do you know how others perceive you?:
1. Understand that how you see a situation and how others see a situation may be different and it is how others see it that will define you;
2. Ask for feedback about your behavior and how others see you using trusted advisors, respected peers and your supervisor or clients (Note: We do not advise taking unsolicited feedback to heart, as usually this has more to do with the givers agenda and interest than you.)
3. Listen to that feedback without judging
4. Clarify what others are saying about your behavior -make sure you understand your behavior from their standpoint, and the impression and impact that it creates
5. Upon understanding that, revisit how you feel about your behavior
6. Be willing to change and decide on next best action
7. Seek help from a coach or mentor if you are stuck or want to move along more quickly
As you advance in your career, it is essential that you remember it’s not how you see things that matters, it is how others see it. And that could mean the difference between personal growth and stagnation. Remember, “What you do speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you say”-so, is that really what you wanted me to get?
Copyright 2009 Kubica and LaForest
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