Brainstorming or self-centered behavior? Yes!
We all get questions like this. It comes from our colleagues, customers, clients and friends. And we believe it’s fair to say, that most if not all of us are happy to comply. Brain-picking can be great for relationship building because it provides the opportunity to share ideas and thoughts. It helps both people understand the other better and it may even lead to a breakthrough in a project, approach to a client or even in making a major career/life decision.
While brain-picking is good, taken too far (that is into the brain-sucking realm), it is neither good for you nor for the person selfishly demanding your time! When over-exercised, it’s not good for you for the obvious reasons: it quickly eats your time, drains your energy, and can actually perpetuate the other person’s venting, or worse, victimhood. And in all honestly, this doesn’t help the other person, and that’s where you can and should help, or set a boundary.
We commonly find people who have not thought through their own questions or their own situation—they have not done their homework and due diligence before asking for help. (Now, if this is a client that has hired you to help them learn this process, that is one thing. But if it is a peer, colleague, family member, community member that always comes asking, this is a different story.) And when you enable people like this you do them absolutely no good by listening, agreeing, nodding your head and sympathizing with their drama. We call them the “always askers” who are plagued with “runny mouth”,
Now if you want to help (and we suggest you choose those you help carefully), the first thing you want to do is to determine if they are being honest with themselves about their situation and interests, and if they are really interested in help and action. You do this by asking pointed questions that take them out of their comfort zone and give indication if they have done their homework first. If you do not feel they are being honest with themselves or are serious about improvement, deselect (excuse yourself) and move on. If you are not certain, in our Quick Tips on Thursday we will provide questions you can ask and ways you can help them.
Copyright 2010 Kubica LaForest
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